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For background on this series, head over to the welcome letter or find the entire series on the roots section of my page.
We begin at the source. The source of our experiences… of our pain, of our joy, of our challenges, of our dreams. The source of our reality… the mind.
How do we explore our relationship to the mind, or rather the nature of the mind itself? Well from multiple angles - for example, various forms of therapy or philosophical teachings, all which can play a massive role in our own liberation…. AND we can also directly explore through practiced awareness. We can empower ourselves to see the nature of the mind more clearly. The irony is there is opportunity for us to do this every single moment over and over again, the opportunities are endless if we choose to take a look. This isn’t an all-healing tonic to solve all things, neither are any of these foundations in these letters on their own. What practiced awareness and exploration of our own minds can be, however, is a powerful gateway… a gateway to many deeper intricacies of the relation to the depths of our spirits.
I’ll share more context, some personal insights, and how to practice to familiarize you with what we’re diving into, yet I find this is one of those scenarios where I can talk all day, yet the magic is when you begin to sense for yourself. If a deeper practice does call you, trust in what reveals itself… it may not be identical to the medicine in my cup but that is because each of our life tapestries are woven of their own unique strings and patterns, colored by similar themes and desires, yes, but none the exact same.
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So let’s dive in a little deeper…
We rarely experience the present moment as it is simply occurring in time and space and in consciousness, rather it is our interpretations of these events, highly informed by deeply held beliefs, conditioning, and previous life experiences. Someone may be speaking and you feel that they are annoying you, that you are the subject of this action and that they are doing something to you. They, however, are simply speaking - making sounds with their vocal cords. This is evoking a sensation of annoyance within you, which you also likely have a patterned reaction to, for example being defensive or stopping listening at all. A person next to you may actually feel excited by this exact same action of the same person speaking. The same goes for joy, the emotion doesn’t matter.
It is a subtle yet transformative difference to recognize that our reality can be made up of what is activated within us and our response to it, and not the thing itself.
The point of this is not to say that feeling annoyed and reacting to it is bad or is good, it is all part of the human experience. The point is to notice that it is even happening at all, this is the gold. We then don’t have to hold it so tightly. We can let annoyance pass, maybe choose a different response, or even more helpful at times, we can investigate further perhaps why this even came up within us (hence the opportunity above that it is available anytime, every moment… why is that my reaction? Why did I feel so activated? Was I expecting a different need to be met out of this interaction? Is this mine to explore or not? Do I need support in exploring this). Lack of recognition can be a snowball effect of annoyance rolling into anger into saying something you don’t mean into regret for saying that which you said and so on it goes. To be clear, seeing it and letting it go is different than pushing it away… more on this another time, for now we stick with witnessing.
I bring this alive to shed light upon this constantly moving unseen world right here within our own beings, the little storyteller that lives with us at all times. Other important scenarios where this inner storyteller directs the show is in which our reality is a result of where we place our attention. We can often zone out of our lives when they involve repetitive or unpleasant things…for example not even registering the walk around your neighborhood because you have done it so many times therefore instead are caught up in replaying a conversation you had with your colleague earlier that day over and over. Your action is the same….walking around the neighborhood. Yet your experience is a result of where you placed your attention, at the looping thoughts or at seeing something new like the shade of the tree color at that exact time of day. The same goes for speaking to a friend and assuming you know what they will say therefore you aren’t actually listening at all, or rushing through a meal without truly tasting one bite of it.
Stopping the thoughts is not possible nor a great use of time to attempt to do so, the nature of the mind is to produce thoughts…. training where you focus your attention, or remembering to come back to the intention of your attention, however, is an opportunity to drastically experience life with more ease and more choice. Here, in this active space of thoughts and inner storytelling, lies this immense opportunity to witness. This space itself can even lead to glimpses of no witness at all, at a feeling of the interconnectedness of everything as it is….however to glimpse that operating system likely requires wandering through the witnessing one first.
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Why may this practically be important or useful?
There can feel as if there is an army, and a navy, and an air force of people, of companies, of catastrophes, of rallies, all vying for our attention, vying for our energy, our money, our time, our skills, attempting to cater to our real or perceived needs and desires. This can make us feel that we are being dragged through our own lives or chasing it, instead of living it…
The beauty is that we can stop and interrupt these pulls to create enough space for our own authentic voice, our own authentic desires to be louder than the noise. Interrupting the patterns to allow us to be more present for a conversation for example can change entire relationships. Looking within rather than at everyone else, can allow us to see where we truly want to spend our time. Sometimes creating the space to simply see the noise for what it is and ride the waves… sounds, energy, movement, arising in space, can also be all that we need.
It does take practice and no one ever completes the training, it is ongoing, because life is ongoing. New belief systems swoop in, new protective mechanisms swoop in and this is one of the many cycles that make our lives always fluid. In a way, we will always be dancing with these evolving moods and thoughts that arise… the subtle difference (and opportunity) simmers in that liminal space between being dragged across the dance floor with eyes closed or bopping around to the beat with clear sight.
I know… queue the deep sigh where a practice feels like another thing to do. This is why I feel a door often must beckon you into this space… it doesn’t have to be earth shattering but something drawing you in… for myself, I simply refused to believe that anxiously surviving, doing things that I “should be” doing, chasing idealized goalposts of someone else’s perfect life, lashing out at loved ones when I was truly just angry with myself, was all there was to this human experience. I refused to believe that to be true. While I don’t have the ultimate answer of what the point of all of this is, I have found access to a freedom, to a spaciousness, to beauty and peace that is available. Certainly not all of the time…and releasing the “goal” to reach a state of bliss and peacefulness at all moments of the day is freedom in and of itself, letting go of thinking we must push away that which does not bring those sensations, and trying to grasp that which does. We can, however, invite in presence more frequently into our lives and allow it to seep into the way we show up, the way we listen, the way we speak and experience.
It is fascinating that we, humans, have this ability to sense into and intimately witness thoughts and reactions, and to direct our attention in a different direction. This is actually a wild concept especially considering how the capacity is there yet so many of us are still walking around mindlessly, zombie-ing through the world, suffering, being cruel to ourselves, to one another, to mother earth. I particularly am speaking to those like myself and likely most of you hearing this, that have the privilege and time of our basic needs and safety being met and thus a freedom to examine. Especially if you feel called to do so. It may not be easy at first and it takes courage, no one is free of trauma, conditioning and patterns that enabled self preservation at some point in time, so it is not to say to blame yourself by any means… but there is another way if you seek it. We may not feel like sitting with ourselves when we can instead get dopamine hit after dopamine hit on our phones, however those to me, end up feeling like empty calories. I want more days where I feel alive, like I truly lived, not as if I survived and to do so had to distract myself 95% of the day. This is one of the gateways, I believe, to just that, living.
It is worth mentioning that the systems and cultures in place have not nurtured our ability to do this and often perpetuate the opposite. I do enjoy diving into those systematic themes, but not at this time. For now, we will look at the inner ring, of ourselves, so that we may then perhaps contribute to evolving the next ring, our community, and then perhaps the next one, the systems. For now, exploring ourselves is truly a gift of love for the world, for your neighbor, for your family.
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So how do we practice? One of the most profound and direct ways is mindfulness meditation. I know what I am offering will appear to be just another tool but hear me out…. Whether a seasoned practitioner, a skeptic, or a newbie, I invite you to sit with this with fresh eyes…
While entering mainstream more and more, the word meditation is still often associated with mountain tops, yoga retreats, and used as a blanket term across a wide assortment of meditation techniques. You may have already tried “meditation” by listening to a guided one for sleep or for relaxation and considered that the extent of what the practice has to offer. There is nothing bad about those practices, however that is not what I am referencing here. A mindfulness or vipassana based practice involves becoming aware of the sensations, the sounds, the thoughts that all are simply arising in consciousness. Think of it less as your relaxation time (although that might also be true in some scenarios) and more like drinking a glass of water first thing in the morning, something essential… a training tool essential for being able to operate consciously as a human being in today’s world.
Sam Harris says the following….
“You will not learn to meditate by accident. And you won’t learn it by jogging, or hiking, or playing music, or doing any of the other things you do to feel good. Paradoxically once you know how to meditate, you can experience the same insights into the nature of your mind while jogging and hiking and playing music and doing all the other things you like to do. But you are very unlikely to have these insights and experience the associated change in your perception of yourself and the world without explicitly learning the practice of meditation.”
I will say that part again, you will not learn to meditate by accident. It is a practice. A practice asked of me consistently if I seek to live with awareness and choice. There are other letters I will share that can invite us into our wild selves, our embodied selves, our empowered voices however this is a different sort of value. I bring this one in first here because it feels like the base layer of soil for which we can plant the garden of our lives. It unlocks our ability for self inquiry and is something that can be overlooked even by those who have considered to have moved on deeper into spiritual realms.
Not only has pausing to see and training ourselves to sense more frequently into the nature of the mind been practiced across centuries and cultures, but here I speak from my experience of its effects living in today’s world. For myself, there have been these two clear paths as a result of this practice that I have reference above. First, a gateway to a freedom in the present moment itself, finding a little more peace with whatever is happening in the moment. Strengthening this muscle as a way to jolt myself back awake more often, to the only thing I truly have, this moment, this breath. Second, a gateway to uncovering the keys to releasing habits that no longer serve me, to building more intentional relationships, to finding my own voice, to choosing how I want to spend my precious time. The second is more active, adjusting attention and thoughts accordingly once we see the ones that are ruling our show today, and builds upon this foundational element into the others that we will later explore. Thinking will always be happening, thoughts will arise just as often as each and every breath. And that is the catch, how much weight to give to every single thought that arises.
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A few reminders and logistics if you are new to this type of meditation:
You can follow guided mindfulness meditation or once you understand the concept, you can set a simple timer for any amount of time. I personally always enjoy even a lightly guided audio as it helps me to stay accountable.
Don’t get discouraged when fireworks aren’t going off each time you practice… it is subtle, just like a muscle slowly getting stronger.
Mindfulness meditation is really just a big inquiry. As cliche as it sounds, there is no goal. You are simply seeing what is arising. You can still be “meditating” while feeling distracted and anxious. Coming back for a split second to being aware that you are distracted IS the practice. This was super frustrating to me at times when teachers would say that because it didn't feel like enough. I would think that I just need to be “better” at meditating. Noticing the distraction, the annoyance, the sounds, the thought that I need to be better…. this is the practice.
No need to immediately start analyzing your emotions or thought patterns. I find first just seeing them, ah a thought…. a sound…. planning for the future …my thoughts are obsessively replaying a scenario… interesting… ah I feel a mood of overwhelm lets explore it closer, where do I feel it, what is it, hmm its gone. Eventually the gateway can emerge when you want to perhaps play with some of the thought patterns you have finally created enough space to even see are there. In the annoyance example, it is unlikely that day 1 you will stop the snowball effect, however seeing it is a massive step. Full disclosure, sometimes the seeing phase can appear to be the most painful. Awareness is an interesting place, yet the other side of it, is empowering.
This can truly be for everyone. You do not need a meditation cushion and incense and candles to make this happen. Sacred space can be valuable in developing a regular practice but by no means necessary.
Remember, this is a seed for you to consider planting. Sit with it this week, and see if you want to explore. I will admit that I did have to “force” myself to do this at first. Over time however, the new doors it revealed became too enthralling to turn back, I was being lured further and further in. If you feel alone, find a meditation group, an accountability buddy, ask me if you have any questions. Trust yourself and trust in what you think you may need in order to commit.
For now, take a deep breath, check out the resources below and let’s try one together led by yours truly.
R E S O U R C E S:
I have no affiliation with the following apps or teachers. I am not compensated in any way for sharing them. I choose to only share tools that I have directly used for extended periods of time and can confidently say have supported me. There are many others out there and what is most important is finding guidance that works for you.
Ten Percent Happier App - This is where I began my journey in meditation before participating in trainings myself. They do a wonderful job at sharing both practices themselves and concepts around meditation that bring them into super practical circumstances. My favorite teachers to start with on the app are Joseph Goldstein and Sharon Salzberg.
The Waking Up App by Sam Harris - This is what I am currently using and I find has a more philosophical lens. It really zeroes in on straight forward vipassana practice accompanied by talks and reflections from renowned teachers and philosophers. Listen to how this app is different than others here.
M E D I T A T I O N:
Try a Guided Meditation with me…
I give immense gratitude to the wisdom and lessons from my teachers and their teachers and all those who have come before me that have carried the teachings of meditation across time and space and influenced my own journey to share with you today.